On Forgiveness

 

 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Matt 6 : 15 

This is a very strong statement from the Lord Jesus, one of those rare moments he speaks bluntly on issues the Father takes seriously...and Forgiveness is one of them. 

Forgiveness is a very important and crucial subject in the life of a believer. It make relationship and fellowship with God complete and satisfying; and without it, one is susceptible to a life of struggle and falling into the trap of the enemy. It is so important that it is an access key to receiving answers to your prayers and forgiveness from God for your own trespasses. So, in other words, when you hold a grudge against anyone who has wronged you, God will also not forgive you and your prayers stand a risk of being hindered and unanswered. 

Forgiveness is an act, not just in words or just waving it off. It primarily stems from the heart and followed by an act of kindness as a proof that you have forgiven. It is completely letting go of the wrong done to you, thereby letting go the person who did the wrong to you. You will not be able to completely forgive if you do not let go of the action done by the offender. So, it's pointless saying you've forgiven when still hold on to the actions done against you in your heart because the more you remember them, the more you hurt, and more you're still angry with the person. It is therefore better to let go of the act itself. 

Jesus put this subject into a very realistic perspective with the story of the unforgiving servant in Matt 18:21-35. Before the story began, peter asked Jesus a deep question : 'how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?'. Now, understand that in the Jewish time the number 'seven' is considered complete or full, so Peter was actually asking if it was until he reached his limits; but Jesus' answer threw his logic off-guard : 'till seventy times seven'- meaning till infinity and completely! 

In human understanding, this seems to be a difficult thing to do especially with someone who you feel have wronged you badly, caused you deep pains and hurts and maybe even intentionally. This is why Jesus had to use that story to make his illustration. In that story, a servant owed his master a thousand talents (which is worth about 53 billion dollars), and the owing servant also had another servant who owed him an hundred pence (which is about 5,000 dollars). Neither of them was able to pay what they owe, even if they were allowed time long enough to pay; they just couldn't. Putting this sort of debt into the perspective of our present time, someone once asked what someone could have possibly done to run into a debt worth 53 billion dollars? That's unfathomable, but the point is he owes it, he has to pay, but he can't pay. Same with the servant who owed money worth 5,000 dollars: even though that amount seems payable, but due to his poor capacity, he just couldn't either. 

This is trying to point out a significant lesson here : wrong doings, faults and trespasses done to you CAN NOT be repaid or fixed, it can only be forgiven, that's the way it was structured to be and can't work any other way. 'Man' in his human and earthly capacity is too poor to fix the mess he has done to you; he literally can't, he doesn't have the capacity to do so. Expecting people to undo or somehow salvage their offences to you is actually asking for an impossible task from a mere mortal. What is done is done and no matter how sincerely apologetic the offender may be in words or actions, they cannot take back what they have done or the hurt they've caused you; retaliation can only give you temporal relief, but ends up deepening the pain, worsening the situation and putting you in an ugly circus of bitterness which is not good for your heart. God alone is the only one who is rich enough to fix what was messed up, repay you what you lost and get vengeance, yours is just to forgive and let both the wrong and the offender go. 

Also, It is important to point out that Jesus acknowledged the fact that the other servant really did owe (albeit smaller than that of the first servant, but) quite a significant amount of money. He didn't down play it because it was smaller; to him, it was still tangible. This is to show that God indeed knows, acknowledges and is in touch with the pains and hurts you must have gone through for what was done to you. He understands and doesn't overlook them or take them lightly when he asks you to forgive, but when compared to the amount of wrong and to the extent that he has forgiven you, he thinks the ones you have against others are small enough for you to let go. When you do, you step aside and give him the access to let him do the fighting and repayment for you. If you don't, you hold back his hands from fighting for you and also put yourself at risk of getting being punished and damned because you refused to let go. This is why forgiveness is very necessary. 

However, knowing what forgiveness is, is one thing and knowing how to forgive is another. Proverbs 19 : 11 says that the discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression. That means that forgiveness is actually overlooking faults. 

So firstly, you forgive by 'passing over' or overlooking the fault and excesses of the person who has wronged you. When you look at it this way and see trespasses as faults or shortcomings, it will be easy for you to do because it is in holding back on people's fault that unforgiveness comes which births bitterness. So, when you can actually overlook people's faults, you can easily forgive them. 

2. Give a long rope or large space for offences; in that way, you are recognizing the humanity part and imperfection of that person. When you make forgiveness available for people, you give them room to be free around you with their weaknesses. This also helps you not to put so much expectation on any one, so that you won't get too disappointed or hurt when they misbehave.

3. Relate with them as though God sent them your way. In that way you see God in them when you are dealing with them knowing that you will be answerable to God about how you related with them. 

4. Treat issues independently for what they are as they come up, and not linking them up to past incidents. that way, you wont say things like 'I forgive you, but wont forget', or 'sorry, but I have to bring this up'; doing that with only keep making past injuries fresh and will not make room for the healing process to take place. Forgiving per time helps you to live constant only in the NOW; and this will help you to forgive as Jesus commanded : until seventy times seven - infinitely and completely. When you live in a perpetual now, you live like you don't have a past record and no anticipation for the future- that is the only way you forgive infinitely. 

5. Always remember that everyone was created uniquely and thus, would act differently. So, expecting someone to behave or act toward you in certain kind of way would only create room for you to get offended. It is therefore better to accept people wholeheartedly with their unique way of thinking or actions; do not try to shape them into your own mold, box them in, or put a label on them because they acted in a certain kind of manner, but allow them to be themselves. In that way, it will be easy to accommodate whatever they have done, are doing, or will do. 

6. Finally, Forgiving is in the action, so if you say you have forgiven, then show it in your action towards your offender. As trespassing or offending is an act, so also is forgiveness. It should not stop at 'trying' to forgive them in your heart, also show it in action. The potency of forgiveness is in the action, so when you forgive, extend an act of kindness to the one who offended you. 

Psalms 130 : 4 say that forgiveness is with thee that thou mayest be feared and Prov 19 : 11 says that it is wisdom to defer anger and your glory to pass over transgression. So, contrary to being trampled on or your forgiveness misinterpreted as being weak, you will rather be feared and respected because you'll be known for giving large room for excesses. Also, the act of forgiveness is like an unending piece of loom; the more you draw it, the longer it becomes. So the more you forgive, the larger your capacity to forgive is expanded, more you release yourself and grow in forgiveness and love, and the more you're respected because the secret of respect is in forgiving and overlooking faults. 

Are you still struggling to forgive a wrong done to you? Today, determine to live a life of forgiveness and as you do, the Spirit of God keeps enlarging your capacity to forgive and continues to honor you, in the name of Jesus. Amen.

God bless you!